The Power of Sharing Emotions: Unlocking the Potential of Your Relations

Confiding and talking about yourself and your problems might sound egocentric. It might also seem like using someone else's time and attention for your own good. There is a lot of truth in this, but it is only part of the bigger picture. The picture that we so often forget about.

I always solved my problems and dilemmas myself. I locked them all in my head, analyzed them, stewed them, and munched them. I dealt with them better or worse, or not at all, but always and unfailingly alone. Independently. Unaided. A little out of pride, a little out of shame, a lot out of distrust, and even more out of a deep belief in the invalidity and inappropriateness of my feelings. The belief that they are not worth someone's attention. That I'm not worth the attention.

I turned to my friends when it was already all over, when the crisis had been resolved and solutions had been found and implemented. I didn't risk being judged or rejected, and I didn't give any room to comment on my behavior or emotions. I thought that in this way I would give out a feeling of being needed to my friend, the illusion of creating an equivalent relationship. I cherished the feeling of self-control and a great deal of self-satisfaction with how well I was doing and how independent I was. But is that all true?

The tactic certainly protected me from showing my emotions, expressing my opinion, or delving into relationships that one can never know how will turn out. No one knew what I was going through, so no one could use it against me. I only see now how defensive this approach is. At the same time, I am still not entirely convinced that this is a bad thing. At the end of the day, everyone wants to feel safe and show me the person who will admit that protecting yourself is a bad thing.

However, something is changing. Slowly, shyly, and in very small steps, I am beginning to discover the benefits (and shadows, there is no point in sugarcoating) of sharing experiences or concerns with someone close to me. My sharing today is very different. It happens not when the issue is far in the past, but exactly when I have a problem, a dilemma, or when I feel sad or bad. I share my weaknesses, which I often have difficulty admitting to myself. I share fear, doubts, and crying. I expose myself to judgment. I'm putting myself out there. I'm waiting for the hard blow.

I feel uncomfortable. I feel ashamed. I feel lighter. I feel normal.

I am still afraid that the trust I show will be abused. Sad thing is that I don't trust my judgments enough to open up completely and just float into the blissful awareness that someone is there for me, that someone will catch me, hold my hand, won't judge me, will just be there. However, I keep that direction. At my own pace, but in the right direction, that's the motto. For myself, but not only that.

I slowly realize how much the other person must feel truly needed, wants to be a real support, be a part of my life, whatever it is at the moment. However I am. Only in this collateral exchange we can build strong relations based on trust and love, in all its forms. Relations that last.

Fear lurks somewhere deeper than usual. Fear of making a big mistake of trusting and letting my guard down. For now, however, I choose to enjoy my newfound lightness, a new level of relation that I did not know before because I was not ready for it. A truly equal, balanced, and healthy relationship. Ordinary stuff. So extraordinary for me.

I am sharing this with you on Valentine's Day, the day of love, so that you can show love for yourself, take care of your emotions, and your relationships, and simply love yourself a little more.

xoxo

wero